Kobalt's Philosophers

Below are the Philosophers to Kobalt, they range through the ages and beyond your time frame.

 

Early records show that Epimenides of Knossos (Circa 600BCE) was one of the pioneers of the Kobalt way of thinking. Feared for his beliefs regarding 'Squirrel Theory' he was eventually exiled and ordered to live in a 9 by 8 square metre chicken coup, as a punishment and a means of re-education! However his followers continued his work in secret!

 

 

 

Time passed and Epimenides' followers were few and far between.

documents of the record show that a book, detailing the function and importance of 'Squirrel theory' had been created, however it was believed that the last remaining copy had been 'eaten' during the time of the 'hunger'.

However this was NOT the case!

Hildegard of Bingen(Circa 1128BCE) was in the forest collecting herbs for her weekly bath when she stumbled upon what appeared to be an old mis-mash of parchment toilet paper. How wrong she was!

She examined the document and is reported to have exclaimed 'Jeepers! I have in my hand the workings of this world and will do all in my power to profess and propagate its credo!' However other commentators believe she just said 'Wowsers!'

 

 

 

 

2239A.D an alignment of seven of the classical planets in our solar system, not seen for over 3000years, was about to take place. Astrologers promised a new wave of consciousness, some even predicted the end of all things!
Whilst visiting the pyramids at Giza - Xerox Nokian, with his wife, kids and cyborg mistress, was being shown round by a tour guide. His robotic prostate implant had been playing up and he needed to pee. While the party were looking at recently translated hieroglyphs, which put a new slant on how early Egyptian men used to view there mother-in-laws, Xerox wandered off to pass water.
He found a corner and let go! Unfortunately for him he was in the High Priests inner sanctum...the historic alignment had begun and Xerox was standing in the very spot used for teleportational time travel-by the ancients!
First rumbling started and then strange lights similar to electrical currents began to flash around him,frightened he stumbled out of the inner sanctum and upon hearing voices went toward them. A different group of people were being shown round by a guide but they seemed odd. Their clothing was old fashioned, and they were speaking in a very old tongue, Xerox followed the group outside hoping to meet up with his family...they were nowhere to be seen. Just then a discarded newpaper caught Xerox's attention(he had seen newspapers in old history holograms at school) he picked it up and read the dateline, 1913A.D!
Xerox began to worry, he had learned about the early 20th Century at the Commandant Barnaveld Academy, what could he do?
Cut a long story short...he invents the Scientific calculator 70 years earlier, interferes with the timeline preventing two world wars and as a result of 'his' invention brings wombmankind's technological advancements to a new epoch, all this whilst propagating Squirell theory...What a Guy!!!

 

 

 

Time moved on, wars were fought, kingdoms rose and fell, in secret 'Squirell theory' was spoken in hushed tones through fear of exile or worse!

Times had changed and 'Squirell theory' was in need of an update.

Along came Bojgik Semetri (Circa 1952BCE), a man of great analytical knowledge. He had been moved by the strength of 'Squirell Theory' and its followers, he vowed to continue it's purpose and to educate others in it's credo.

Unfortunately he was captured by security forces of the time and detained in a 're-education facility', however they could not break his will or determination.

To him we owe a great debt!

 

 

 

Years later things began to gather momentum, Alexi Horse (circa1989BCE) creator of 'the rat maze' (refering to the human trait of collectivism) found that people could not only be within the confindes of 'Squirrel Theory', but could survive without!

After much thought Alexi devoloped the 'Squirrel Matrix' enabling mankind to see the previous failures that had caused 'conversational nonsence' and 'chitter chatter', two of which interupt silence (important to 'Squirrel theory').

 

 

 

 

Years of social and political unrest took place throughout the biosphere, man had turned against his brother and people lived in fear. After the 'inscription Act 2017BCE' took place everyone was enlisted into the army, from birth. Microchip technology promised a 'free society' and all people were required to have a 'chip', usually inserted under the skin of the right hand.

Without the 'chip' people were unable to buy or sell or generally function within the 'free society'.

'Squirrel Theory' was outlawed and anyone suspected of involvement in it's propagation had their 'chip' turned off.

Commandant Barnaveld(Circa 2022BCE) was in command of a task force created to wipe out all evidence of 'Squirrel Theory', however when he was ordered to kill his son's pet Squirrel he became disillusioned and swore to overthrow his master's.

In secret he began working with the disciples of 'Squirrel Theory' and brought about the reclamation of both Squirrel and man. Unfortunately he was sent into exile after calling General Boozenhausens' wife 'a shaved gorilla'!

 

 

 

 

Wombmankind began it's second renaissance , 'Squirrel Theory' was taught in education centres and throughout the bio-sphere.

It was used in the application of medicine, agriculture, engineering, social and political ideation, artificial intelligence and flatulence control.

However, with their greed wombmankind ensured that only the wealthy could benefit from 'Squirrel Theory's' illumination, information about it was tightly controlled and legislators made sure that only those with qualifications designed by their governing bodies (which usually cost a lot of 'chip creds') could use 'Squirrel theory' to enhance their lives.

Rt.Hon.Don Sciurus (Circa2053BCE) had fought in the 'Bernard wars', the injuries he sustained after a failed sortie on Berk island were near fatal.

Luckily he was 'iced' (cryongenically frozen) and taken to a research facility which was looking into the effects of artificial intelligence within the remit of 'squirrel Theory'. His injuries required this unstable technology, still very much in it's infancy, and he was fitted with biogenic implants to his cerebral cortex, nose and hair.

After a short period of recuperation he made a full recovery.

He had been given a second chance and saw what wombmankind were doing with 'Squirrel theory', and how greed had taken over.

He began to rally the underclasses, lecturing and educating them, his biogenic implants provided access to most of the secrets of 'Squirrel theory' , numbers grew and the ruling classes became edgy. His movement became a force to be reckoned with!

 

 

 

 

The Age of Aquarius was finally here, the transitional period between the Age of Pisces and Aquarius, with all it's social, political and evolutionary upheval was resolved, wombmankind breathed a sigh of relief.

Telepathy, E.S.P and an unstanding of the 'Collective Consciousness',which bound wombmankind's thoughts and actions together, were understood and celebrated.

Dr.Doctahh (Circa2160B.C.E) Behavioural Florist and popular culture analyst was tapping into the collective consciousness of plant life. He believed that nature could assist with the further evolution of wombmankind's grey matter.

Whilst in 'debate' with a Nepeta catarian (Cat nip plant) it began to telepathically show him images of a long forgotten idea known as 'Squirrel Theory'.

Amazed by this new found knowledge he is reported to have exclaimed, 'This will unite all living things in harmony with the unverse, enabling wombmankind to understand the significance of the number ONE!', other commentators state he just said, 'BONKERS!!!'

And so a New Age of 'Squirrel Theory' was abound, we give our thank's to our Founder(or re-founder) Dr.Doctahh!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Home